Coping With a Disability: 9 Ways to Move Forward

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 29% of the adult population in the U.S. are living with a disability. If you’ve recently been diagnosed with a permanent disability, you might find it hard to come to terms with your diagnosis. Or, if your disability isn’t new, the ongoing stress of managing it can take a toll.

On top of adjusting to and coping with life with a disability, you might also find yourself experiencing new or heightened mental health symptoms. If you’re having trouble readjusting to life with a disability or feel overwhelmed by your current challenges, it’s important to be aware of the many resources available to help you move forward.

What Causes Mental Distress After Becoming Disabled?

There are many different types of disabilities, both physical and mental. Under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), a disability is defined as a “physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities.” (42 U.S.C. § 12102 (2026).)

It’s not unusual for someone coping with a disability to experience sadness, frustration, worry, anger, or low self-esteem. CDC findings indicate that adults with disabilities report experiencing frequent mental distress (defined as 14 or more mentally unhealthy days in the past 30 days) almost five times as often as those without disabilities. Disabled adults are also more likely to live below the federal poverty level, which can affect their ability to access affordable health care and housing.

These hurdles can, understandably, create negative thoughts and emotions, which can then cause a feedback loop when the disabled person is unable to get regular medical treatment for their mental health. Chronic stress from coping with a disability is linked to major depression, for example, while someone who has recently become disabled may have difficulty emotionally adjusting to their new normal—especially when their disabling condition prevents them from going about their daily activities as they once did.

Accepting a New Disability Diagnosis

Davina Tiwari is a registered social worker in Ontario, Canada, who works with adults with disabilities and chronic illnesses in her counseling practice, Meaningful Independence. She provides support to individuals, couples, and families learning to cope with a disability. At the onset of a new disability, Tiwari says it’s not unusual for a person to experience shock, feelings of anxiety, or a low mood.

“It's important to take some time to process what has happened,” Tiwari explains. “They might feel like their whole world is being turned upside down, so it is completely understandable that they may feel anxious about the future or depressed about what they may have lost or what they may lose with this new disability.”

Negative emotions might be even more pronounced if the disability is permanent or progressive in nature.

Tiwari recommends taking things day-by-day, especially in the early stages when there are so many uncertainties. Speaking with a mental health professional can help to support you during the adjustment phase and beyond, she added.

9 Ways to Move Forward With a Disability

Whether you’re newly diagnosed with a disability or have been managing one for some time, there are ways to help you adjust and cope over the long term. Tiwari suggests using some or all of these techniques to support yourself as you move forward.

1. Take it slow.

You may be so focused on the next steps in the recovery journey that you forget to pay attention to what is needed in the present. Focus on the present and move on to your next steps at a pace that works for you.

2. Ask questions.

If you have a new disability, you probably have many questions. What is my diagnosis? What is the prognosis? How will this affect me long term? What are my risks? What precautions should I take? What can I do to help myself? Ask questions and make notes—or ask a loved one so you can focus on the conversation with your medical professional. Know that you may not get answers right away, as your situation may evolve over time.

3. Self-advocate.

While it can be difficult to speak up, no one knows you better than you. Raise your concerns, and learn how to direct others to help you so you feel safe and comfortable receiving assistance.

4. Set boundaries.

People in your social network may reach out to you after learning of your disability to hear how you are doing and ask how they can help. They may have the best intentions, but you and your loved ones may not have the emotional bandwidth to respond right away. It’s okay to let them know that you need some time and will reply when you are ready. It’s okay to not accept every visitor and ask to keep visits brief. Don't be afraid to say no. Rest is paramount for your healing and recovery.

5. Create realistic goals.

Use goals as a guidepost as you move forward following your diagnosis.

6. Manage your self-expectations.

Your expectations of yourself may be very high and, while it could be possible to achieve everything you are hoping for, it's also important to check in with your healthcare team to see if your expectations are realistic based on your prognosis.

7. Use positive self-talk.

Being kind to yourself is vital for staying motivated as you adjust to your new situation. Be your own cheerleader and demonstrate self-compassion if you don't succeed with a new skill on the first try. Making mistakes is part of learning and growth.

8. Focus on your abilities.

When you have a disability, it can be difficult to acknowledge what is going well. Your mind may focus on what you've lost. Reflect on what you still can do, independently or with help, and what aspects of yourself remain intact. You’re still you. Your disability doesn't define you. You do.

9. Celebrate your successes.

Acknowledging what’s working will help you maintain forward momentum, especially when you feel like giving up. Stay focused on your gains, no matter how small. Little steps can add up and make a difference in your overall quality of life.

Keeping Your Mental Health Robust When You’ve Been Living With a Disability

Some people can deal with an initial medical diagnosis in a positive way, but discover that it’s harder to maintain optimism further down the road—especially if they have a progressive disease that gets more challenging to manage over time. If you’re feeling like the old methods of coping aren’t working, it’s crucial to take advantage of the many resources available to people who’ve been managing a disability for a while (or loved ones who may have “caregiver fatigue.”)

Getting and Staying Involved In a Support Group

Maintaining connections with a community of people who are going through the same issues can be a strong pillar to lean on for the times when you’re stretched to your limit. There are many organizations that offer support groups geared to the specific needs of people who have the same disabling condition as you do. For example, the National Multiple Sclerosis Society provides an “MS Navigator” that helps people with the disorder connect and share their experiences.

Searching for disability-specific groups near you can usually bring up a calendar that shows you the dates and locations of support meetings where you can connect with others. Many organizations offer virtual meetings for those who live in rural areas or who can’t make it, physically or mentally, to in-person events. Often there are groups designed for a specific audience dealing with the disability, such as “men with breast cancer” or “veteran amputees,” so it doesn’t hurt to do a little digging to see which organization offers the best path for you.

Individualized Therapy

Disabled people may experience a swirl of emotions around engaging in structured mental health therapy, especially if they grew up in an environment where the idea of getting psychological treatment was downplayed, dismissed, or belittled. Stigmas surrounding therapy unfortunately persist, and pressure to just “suck it up” or keep a stiff upper lip can prevent people with disabilities from seeking needed help.

Overcoming these hurdles can be rough, and many disabled people “suffer in silence” as a result. Because counseling is, by nature, a deeply personal experience, you might want to dip your toe into the process by looking for a culturally sensitive therapist who is familiar with prevailing community attitudes towards psychotherapy. Establishing trust with your counselor is key, and a shared understanding of how mental health matters are perceived can help you get the most out of your treatment.

Tools and Technology That Can Help

“Assistive technology” is designed to help people with disabilities stay active and engaged in the world around them. This may take the form of smart controls that can automatically dim the lights and play soothing sounds at a specific time, creating a calming environment without requiring regular input. Wearable biofeedback devices can detect when you’re feeling stressed and prompt guided breathing exercises, while apps such as Calm, CBT-i Coach (developed by the VA to treat insomnia), and Healthy Minds use mindfulness techniques to help manage your mental state.

“Old-school” methods can be equally effective, if not more so. Writing down your thoughts, frustrations, and successes in a journal or diary can help you document your progress, remind you to take medications, and keep track of your doctors’ appointments.

Financial Resources for People With Disabilities

Getting medical attention, whether for physical or mental health issues, can be prohibitively expensive for many Americans. One option is to visit a Federally Qualified Health Center (FQHC) which provides all kinds of medical treatment—dental, mental, and specialty care, among others—on a sliding scale basis, meaning the amount you owe depends on how much you can pay. FQHCs are funded by the Health Resources & Service Administration, which allows them to operate on a sliding fee scale.

Two disability benefits provided by the Social Security Administration, SSDI and SSI, are available to adults who have a medical condition that keeps them from working full-time for at least a year. SSDI eligibility is determined by your work history and how much you’ve paid into the program by way of payroll taxes, while SSI benefits are needs-based and subject to certain income and asset limits.

A wide variety of financial relief programs may be available both on the federal, state, and local levels, including food stamps, housing assistance, and help with utility bills. For more information, see our overview of articles on financial support for people with disabilities.

Embracing the Journey Ahead

Recently, prominent celebrities such as actors Marissa Bode (“Wicked”), Bella Ramsey (“The Last of Us”), and Eric Dane (“Grey’s Anatomy”) have shared their experiences with using a wheelchair, receiving an autism diagnosis, and finding out that they have ALS, respectively. Having famous faces come forward to discuss living with a disability can help raise awareness of specific disorders and provide encouragement to others who are dealing with the same condition.

It’s important to keep in mind that you don’t have to be defined by your disability. Many people with physical and mental disabilities continue to find fulfillment in activities like creating art, enjoying nature, and traveling. Finding a supportive community of people who share your interests while being understanding of your limitations can help you navigate the future with autonomy and compassion.